Now that I am more consistent with my daily journaling and I am writing down more vivid and detailed emotional experiences I understand how much everything is changing within me. I am building further and stronger understanding of my mind, deep emotions, core values and self-expression. This in return fills up my gratitude towards a realisation that I have created a life of calm self-expression and have been avoiding destructive habits like indulging in short-term pleasures. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to finding the right emotional mix and daily routine that brings balance, order, rhythm and harmony. I find it much easier to meditate and slip into a deeper trance, thanks to the feeling of calmness that silences overthinking and brings comfort with emptiness in my mind. Music and sounds have become much more profound experiences as they tune my mind for laser-like focus towards mental or physical execution, quickly putting me in a deep emotional state driving Heaven like peace of Hell life fire when I need it to perform at my best.
I am becoming more comfortable with emotional documentation and describing my state of mind. When overthinking is absent from my mind, it makes decision making a once of choice. The general acceptance of everyone and everything coupled with a lack of attachment towards unimportant things has made it easier to deal with negativity to the point where it is neutral from an experiential perspective. I feel that this will become an essential aspect of growth in years to come where my commitment will remain high and strong in light of outside forces swaying me from my course towards my North Star.
Over the past week, I was very mindful about the inputs I was exposed to and the people I met and spoken too. Exposing myself to the right content and like-minded people is helping me to make sense of what I am building. I was very consistent with fitness and mindfulness. Going back to full raw foods was a great decision as I stopped experimenting with boiled quinoa and cooked vegetables as one of my one meal a day dishes. The results in energy, happiness and fulfilment have been quite amazing. The week started very productively and calmness washed over my mind and body, and continued through the week as my fulfilment rose. I spent a good amount of time with few close people who are very supportive of my efforts and have a powerful energy of their own. I feel that brought additional light into my life.
Few Photos From This Week
“Few” Paragraphs From My Daily Journals
*Please note, this is as close to copy paste from my journal as it gets. This is not creative writing. Please ignore style, profanity, mistakes and me just dumping my thoughts on paper.
Monday - Fuck!
I am on a mission to fucking dominate this god damn beautiful world with love. My pleasure is my fire, the wilder, the better. I have accepted everything, all outcomes that led to my ultimate vision. I have been empowered by my wholeheartedness as an all in investment in my life. I follow my long term mission and vision. Fuck the material possessions. I am in this with my whole heart. I feel my soul will jump out from my body how wild the fire is raging and flowing. Insane, the way I feel. What the fuck have I done to myself. My mind and body. I have liberated myself from thought. I don't feel constrained by the past nor future. I am alive. I feel love, and I want to share my love. There is no end of the feeling of light that is so blinding. Fucking insane. I have won. I win by means of love. I need nothing more to achieve the state of happiness. It is here, and I have not attached myself to it.
Tuesday - Realisation!
I feel that I want to take more and more action. As I always write, I want to take massive imperfect action. I defiantly feel I have changed since the weekend and I want to push myself further, and now I know that I want to do it through documentation and pushing my limits. I want to wake up early to be able to focus on my morning routine and get shit done to prime myself for the day ahead :) Loving the journey.
Fucking realisation. If you saw yourself in the future. 10 years from now being where you have set your vision to be. You would fucking do everything prescribed on a daily basis to get there. The issue is that we don't see us on the other side. The changed version of us. We always want to see quick results in the short term. I see myself 10 years from now. That's why I am not concerned on irrelevant short-term outcomes. I don't see my actions related to the current moment. They all are projected into the far future.
The reason why I am so calm and collected is that I have already visualised myself 10 years from now and I am clear what actions I need to take to get there. Thus there is complete confidence in the journey because I know where it is leading me to. By being mindful I observe my thoughts and feelings to make sure I am enjoying the journey as I move towards my vision day by day.
After speaking to a close person about relationships and having experienced powerful like-minded people over the last year, I now know what type of relationships I want to cultivate. What energy I want to have around me. It's like discovering a new way to experience life that's much more enjoyable, so why would you ever subject yourself to the old ways. Once the Universe connects you with the right person, the experience expands your mind and you immediately eliminate 99% of close relationships opportunities with people because you know what you are after.
I want to find ways how to push myself in every aspect of my life. Go whole heart with everything. Leave nothing to chance and leave no doubt, attachment to results or regret that actions were not done wholeheartedly. Apply this to everyone and everything. I want to focus on work and put all of myself in it, wholeheartedly without distractions or other bullshit. Whatever it takes. Getting up at early dawn or anything else is a must if that gets me in it with full devotion.
Wednesday - Rush!
I had a great chat with a close person yesterday night. I explained how she helped me to fully let go of emotions I have been forcing myself not to experience. I also feel that she has allowed me to understand what I have grown into over the past few years. I.e the person I have developed myself into. Even more so I feel that I have let go of any attachments and unrealistic needs for other people and by letting go and allowing my emotions and thoughts to flow I have made sure that I am entirely focused on the present and not affected by my past decisions and actions or future outlook. Yes, I understand that I am being shaped by my past actions, but I am acutely aware that I am in full control over my present actions and I can moild and shape myself as I need to become the person I truly am and the core values I follow.
I am still working towards my morning ritual and going beyond my limitations to experience something I believe is my true self. I don’t need any confirmation or validation. I am what I am, and I will do what I have set out to accomplish. So my morning and night rituals will be definitive and non-negotiable :)
I feel I have let go. Let go of the past as my mind becomes free from limits and conflicts. I have at the same time accepted the unknown future. Yes, I have a strong and unshakable vision, but the journey will bring many unknowns, and I will face them with a lack of attachment, judgment and fear. The only thing I really fear is regret, the regret of not taking action. I feel so much potential within me as my fire burns strong and high guiding me throughout my journey with raw feelings and love.
If I dig deep, and I mean deep inside me. Past the raging fire. Past the steel walls that keep my will in place. I find light that radiates from my soul and guides me towards my north start. I know who I am and what I have set out to accomplish in my lifetime. I already have everything. I need to unconditionally devote myself to the journey. I have been blessed with a clear mind that allows me to share my love and guide others. I am free.
I feel I want to push my limits every day, and sometimes I am held back by my mind, but I have now shifted, and I will overcome and overpower my thoughts. I want to wake up early, I want to run each morning, I want to have one raw meal each day, I want to use the mask and push my body daily, I want to write what my fire expresses in words and I want to be focused and doing deep work! Fuck man I want that so much and I know that I am already doing it!
My fire overwhelms me and sets by soul on fire. My body reacts and feels empowered by the immense power generated by my mind as it stays mindful and detached. Euphoria is what comes to mind and my physical experiences.
Chat with a close person after sunset and the emotions and feelings it generated
- I feel overwhelmed with happiness and love today
- My body feels like it is made of steel as the energy surges through my body
- I feel I am very close to unlocking my ultimate being
- It's like you can reach out with your hand and have anything and everything
- And the reason why is because you already have everything
- It also feels like my mind and body are learning how to call upon this being and euphoria at will
- There is so much to share, and my deepest desire is to share this insane state of mind in the form of love
- As crazy as it sounds, if for whatever reason I had to give up my life, I would feel at peace with it
- As I lay here with unshakable conviction and feel the whole world opening up to my mind. I see a clear path to freedom, the freedom of endless and passionate love. The love you have unlocked within me.
I used the energy and positivity from yesterday night to prime myself this morning :)
Thursday - Happiness Hype!
I feel that I am untangling the web of thoughts and complexities in my mind to set free myself from inaction. Currently, I am under the impression that I am almost at the point where I have turned off my thoughts at most times and allow myself to flow freely and experience freely. This heightens my experiences and allows me to draw upon my happiness and gratitude. Wholehearted commitment becomes much easier as I am driven and empowered by my core values and strong feelings. There is so much love that flows through my body.
I think going back to raw will be a great decision as I felt much more empowered and had a powerful sense of euphoria yesterday evening and night where I felt like I was on drugs. My body was stiff with motivation and empowerment. It felt like I could run endlessly and move fucking mountains. Same as Sunday when I went Raw and did sauna and sports I think that really empowered me.
I really want to own my day and everything around my time. The reason I want to wake up early is so that I can focus on my morning ritual to prime myself for the day ahead.
Friday - Love!
I am in fucking heaven. I need to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. Is this shit for real? Man, I love life! I have committed to my journey. The visions are so grand and bold that I will push every single drop of will to make them happen and I will succeed in following my journey and staying true to my core values.
I have really understood the value of shared journeys. I shared my current frame of mind with a close person and how my thinking has started changing after coming back from New York. After doing solo travel and having a partner I was not able to fully commit to for several reasons. I think I lost something in myself or locked certain emotions. Now I know that I am growing fast because I have committed myself to be in tune with my inner emotions and my real self. After discovering myself on a deep level, I understand the importance of staying true to yourself. The further I go the further I discover myself and tune my mind and body with the relentless laser focused vision, and I am ready to follow the light ahead of me. I have let go of any attachment to emotions and needs. I still have the same thoughts and experiences, but now I have chosen not to be controlled by them and experience the world in the colors I chose. My vision is completely altered and narrowed down to the utmost importance that I believe in. I am committed to pushing myself, and I will do that physically and mentally every day. I will challenge myself on a weekly basis with everything I can think of, from ice baths to doing crazy mental and physical feats to test my body and mind and experience the world in the most amazing way and at the same time staying true to myself.
I now know that I want to share this journey with someone who will understand me and who I can share all the immense love and energy with. Once I fully commit to my journey there will be no turning back. I don’t need the other person to commit to anything, nor I will be committed to their expectations or attachment. All I need is respect, love and understanding for my choice to go all in unconditionally. I imagine myself at a roulette table where the stakes are my whole life, being, worth, positions, close people, everything that defines me. I can only make one bet and stick to that bet. My mind is be completely free from fear or anxiety, this will be the most certain decision in my life one that I can physically feel the outcome of. Instead of going back or red, I would go for a specific number on the table. Putting everything, literally everything on that number with such conviction that I felt the hellfire burning in my body. This is how I feel and how committed I am to my journey and vision. I understand that I have chosen to say “No” to 99.999% of things and opportunities in life, to focus on that one small part that is me and defines me. This means people, dreams, needs, wants and possessions. I would love to know that I have a family close supporting my decisions and my ultimate being and ambition. I am fucking committed. Crazy, yes I am and let others look at me as one as I unconditionally commit my being to the journey.
In short! I am comfortable with saying "No" to 99.999% of things in life because I have gone "All in" on the 00.001% of things that truly speak to me and are a direct expression of my being.
The last few days have put me in a crazy euphoria helping me to connect even deeper with my body and mind to express my fire. The emotion driven sex I had showed me that I am in complete control over my body…
*I’ll stop Friday here :)
Saturday - Confessions!
Wow. I love what I am creating here. As I write this, I feel my eyes tiering up fuelled by happiness and fulfilment. Something that is increasing day by day. Fuck how happy I feel. It's like I have discovered the triggers of love, happiness, fulfilment, passion, discipline, calmness and zen that I have control over. I feel my life in slow motions as it takes my breath away. I am listening to Berlin - Take My Breath Away and feeling the music vibrate through my body and soul. I am overwhelmed with emotions of accomplishment. I feel like I have accomplished an important chapter in my life that will set ablaze my further life and I will never look back. It seems like I have come to an end of a chapter and completed the first volume of a series of countless books. As I take a good look at the book, read the last page few times and set it ablaze. Never to look back and keep my mind straight, chest high and eyes focused on the journey ahead. My mind and body is fully present fully aware of the passing emotions and thoughts. I am in complete control over any reactions and attachment as they grab my passing thoughts to get my attention.
I will try to articulate as best as I can how I feel right now. All the passing thoughts and emotions that enter my mind are completely free to roam around and are in no way interrupted of forced out of existence. It's like a highway with a never ending flow of cars. Any emotion or thought that catches my attention is quickly dealt by my mindfulness. If my mind tries to react or build attachment to anything it is quickly let go, forgiven, appreciated and learned from. It feels like my emotions and thoughts are like water that one tries to hold in one of his hands, but as quickly as the hand fills up with the water it washes away leaving a tiny bit of moisture that I inspect and slowly turn my hand upside down as the water drips away.
As the sun faded away… You came into view, taking my breath away. I felt the calm feeling of an ocean washing away all my thoughts like words written in the sand. Overwhelmed and overpowered by the fire of endless love, making my body weak and forcing me to drop on my knees. I stare at the distant horizon where the ocean and sky become one. My body forms a feeling so strong and high like nothing I have ever experienced before, leaving me suspended in endless space and time. Everything suddenly falls into place as mind accepts every possible outcome, drying out of existence all the attachments like water droplets in the hot sand. From the deepest parts of my soul, I thank the universe for every living being that sets foot in this beautiful world. My love is yours.
Sunday - Fulfilment!
Respect! You, Me, The Universe. I’ve let go. Let go of all attachment, you can attack me, but you will never break me. I feel I have attained inner peace and outer fire. Even with the hell like fire raging inside me, you would not believe the level of heaven like peace that takes shape within me. I feel like I have attained balance in the most important parts of my life. I am physically, mentally and socially free. Free from expectations, judgment, regret, thoughts and limitations. The love what is building inside me. It is destined to be shared and I have accepted every living being as they come. For me the world is perfect, everyone is perfect. I have distanced myself from perfection, there is only acceptance. I accept you as you come. There is no judgment. I know and feel the struggle we all face in life. Thus I respect every single living being and pass on any judgment. This brings peace and abundance of simplicity in my life and mind. My mind is like a flowing river of love that touches all parts of my body and anyone who I lay my touch and hands on. I am fulfilled and I will be fulfilled as long as I strive for mindfulness, peace and complete silence of mind and share appreciation of respect, love and compassion. EQ is my IQ.
I have stopped asking what is possible, I have started asking what is not possible.
I shared a summary of my thoughts in my Instagram post caption.
“Love and respect. You, me, the Universe. Even with the hell like fire raging inside me, I have attained heaven like peace that takes shape within me. I have stopped asking questions. Not because I know all the answers, I have simply accepted all the outcomes that I have no control over. I feel social, mental and physical freedom. I am free from the mental complexity. I am realising and living my dream. Love and respect.”
I spoke today with a close person about the mind and consuming lots of content each day. And it really got me thinking about the fact that I consume about 5 hours of podcasts and books every day that I do it in x2 the speed, so technically I consume 10 hours of audio content every day where experts from different fields like science, business, nutrition, innovation, society and technology discuss ideas, recent events and share their frame of thought. Now I understand that all of these years I have been shaped by all this content into the person I am today and all this information is constantly changing me, it changes my thinking towards life. My mind is expanded every day with new information that I can choose to use or keep as a reference. I feel the unbelievable power in the fact that all this content is framing my way of thinking and helping me to make faster and better decisions. Driven by real life events and trends that are occurring in real time. Crazy.
I had a chill drive down to the beach and now enjoying my time here and reflecting on the past week and reading my journal and diaries. Some of the journal entries are quite insane, driven by such love and positivity that it makes me wonder can this euphoria go even further, but now I understand that there is really now limit and that drives even more fulfilment and happiness. I guess I am trying to say that I am very happy right now :)
*I decided to censor myself a bit with below journal entries. I excluded some very personal stuff that I need to get more comfortable with sharing, but most of it is still there.
Daily Calm Quotes
I share these right after my morning meditation session as Instagram stories.
My Mission Statement
I am driven and fulfilled by the fire that burns inside me. My vision is to play a vital role in the colonization of Mars in the next 30 years. That is my north star. My decisions are made with very long-term outcomes in mind. I am not driven by short-term pleasures and needs. On the professional side, I am building a business that will help me support my investments in biotech and AI startups. All the experimentation on my mind and body is to explain and explore the limits of humans.